The Camping Fanfiction
by Sovereign64
Summary: Rukia, Byakuya and Ichigo all decided to go camping! Isn't that great? Parody of a Spongebob Squarepants episode. ONESHOT


_**The Camping Fanfiction**_

One night, a man smiles as he walks out of his bathroom and enters his bedroom with a nice warm cup of tea. The man has long black hair and wears a white coat and black shinigami robes. His name was Byakuya Kuchiki. He is really happy tonight because tomorrow is the weekend. That means he doesn't have to go to work at Uryu's fast food restaurant tomorrow and completely relax at home. But this weekend is EVEN better than that. Or so he thinks.

"Ah, at last, the weekend is here." Byakuya said happily as he puts his cup of tea on a table next to his bed. Then he smiles as he goes over to his calendar. "And this isn't any other old weekend."He then points at a box that has drawings of two certain people having a campfire. "It's the weekend, Rukia and Ichigo go camping."

Then he smiles gleefully as he says to himself. "Wouldn't it be great if they get lost in the forest and NEVER come back?"

_Imagination: _

_Byakuya then imagines two teenagers looking worried as they walk through a forest._

_The first teenager is a girl with short black hair, a single strand dangling over the front of her face, purple eyes and wears a long sleeve grey school uniform, a red ribbon, grey skirt and black shoes. Her name was Rukia Kuchiki. She's holding a backpack on her back._

_The second teenager is a boy with orange hair and wears black shinigami robes. His name was Ichigo Kurosaki. He's also holding a backpack on his back while looking at a map._

_Rukia then said to Ichigo scared, who looked back at her scared as well, "Ichigo…I'm scared."_

_End of Imagination_

"Hoo hoo! That would be GREAT!" Byakuya said as he happily shed a tear of joy. He then gets into his bed and sighed happily, "Ah, Byakuya, you waited a long time for this. A soft bed. Warm tea. A nice manga to read." He then puts his manga down and continued, "And two whole days of no…" He then makes a stupid expression of Ichigo's face and laughed, "Bahahahaha! Bahahahaha!" He then smiles as he continues reading his book.

But soon, his moment of happiness broke, causing Byakuya to drop his smile, when he heard familiar laughter. "What the?" Byakuya said in disbelief. Could it be?

Meanwhile, Rukia and Ichigo are laughing gleefully as they read a book in their little tent. "Bahahahaha! Bahahahaha!" They both laughed. Just then, Byakuya entered their tent angrily.

"Rukia! Ichigo! Aren't you guys supposed to be camping?" Byakuya asked.

"We are camping, brother." Rukia said with a smile as she and Ichigo came over to him.

"Rukia, it's not camping if you're ten feet away from your house." Byakuya said. What Byakuya said was true. In fact, Rukia and Ichigo's tent IS just 10 feet away from their house and 20 feet away from Byakuya's house.

"Aw, come on Byakuya. It doesn't matter where Rukia and I camp, as long as we're outside, right?" Ichigo asked. "While you good city folks are safe at home reading mangas…" This make Byakuya dropped his jaw. "We're out here, fighting the primitive forces of nature. Wanna join us?"

Of course, Byakuya said as he frowns, "No."

"Okay, have fun inside." Rukia said. Byakuya then leaves while Rukia and Ichigo went back to their reading.

But a few seconds later, Byakuya reenters the tent. "What do you mean have fun inside?" Byakuya asked suspiciously. Is his sister and her stupid friend up to something?

"Have…fun inside, see you tomorrow." Rukia said as she shrugs.

"Oh. Okay." Byakuya said, thinking that this case is now closed. He then left the tent again while Rukia and Ichigo happily went back to their reading.

But suddenly, a few seconds later, Byakuya reenters the tent AGAIN. "You little sneeks! I see what you're doing!" Byakuya snarled.

"What?" Rukia asked innocently.

"Don't think I can't see what you're doing!"

"What?" Ichigo asked as he and Rukia do not like where this is going.

"You're saying I can't take it! So that you guys can go to Soul Society the next day and humiliate me by telling all the other shinigamis that I, Byakuya Kuchiki, captain of the sixth division, COULDN'T EVEN GO CAMPING!"

"But all we…" Rukia tried to say, only to end up get cut off by her brother.

"No! You guys think I sucked! You think your little 'have fun inside' challenge is gonna make me go camping with you two! But that is NEVER GONNA HAPPEN! There's no way, I'm gonna spend the whole night camping with you two losers! Besides, so what if I can't go camping? I'm still one of the greatest shinigami captains of Soul Society. So ha! Now get use to it!" After Byakuya finished saying, he then leaves his tent angrily.

"Okay." Rukia said.

Then she and Ichigo both said stupidly, "Have fun inside."

"THAT DOES IT!" Byakuya screamed in front of Rukia and Ichigo's faces as he reenters then tent. He then leaves the tent and runs over to his house. "I'll show those guys what I'm capable of!" He mumbled as he enters his house.

"Byakuya's gonna camp with us." Ichigo said to Rukia with a grin. Then they both squealed happily as they walked out of their tent. Byakuya then returns with a HUGE bag of camping equipment.

"Now you see how a real…" But before Byakuya can continued what he has to say, the weight of his bag causes him to fell to the ground, flattening him. Literally. "Camping expert does it!" He said as he struggles to get out from his bag. After he got out, he took out a thing from his bag and shows it to Ichigo and Rukia.

"There we go." Byakuya said with a smirk. "My remote control self assembling tent." Byakuya then smiles devilishly at Ichigo and Rukia. "Watch and learn." He'll show them. Rukia then quickly took out her binoculars while Ichigo took out a pencil and a notepad. Byakuya then tosses his thing to the air and took out a remote control. He then presses the button. But the thing went haywire and the tent lands on the ground flat.

"That was great, Byakuya!" Rukia said.

"But how do you get inside?" Ichigo asked.

"Yeah, it's all crashy looking." Rukia added in agreement.

"That's because it's not put up yet, you dorks!" Byakuya snapped. He then picks his tent up in frustration. He grits his teeth angrily as he tries to set up his tent. But soon, he widens his eyes in shock when he accidentally rips his tent.

"Customization!" Rukia exclaimed.

"Genius!" Ichigo said as he writes on his notepad. Byakuya is now whacking his tent with a stick while jumping up and down frantically like a frantic moron.

"He's tenderizing the tent!" Rukia screamed.

"Of course!" Ichigo exclaimed as he writes on his notepad again. Byakuya is now tangled by his tent and ropes. He struggles to get himself free.

"WRITE THAT DOWN! WRITE THAT DOWN!"

"Gee!" Ichigo said as he frantically writes his notepad. But the truth is, instead of writing down what Byakuya did, he's actually playing a game of tic-tac-toe on his notepad.

Byakuya then angrily kicks his tent…and his tent is now set up. Byakuya widens his eyes, then smiles as he said, "Ta-dah." But soon, his tent collapses again. Byakuya saw this and laughed nervously at Rukia and Ichigo as he rolls his tent away. He then comes back with a sleeping bag. "But what could be better than just lying out under the stars." Byakuya said as he rolls out his sleeping bag and places it gently on the ground. Byakuya then turns around and smiles as Rukia and Ichigo cheered while clapping their hands.

"Well, I sure am hungry after all that setting up." Byakuya said as he now sits down with Rukia and Ichigo in front of their campfire. "I supposed you guys are gonna stew up some sticks and branches, right?"

Rukia giggled, then said, "Nope. We're eating something better." She then takes out a bag of marshmallows. "Marshmallows." She then took a marshmallow and eats it. After finished eating, she said, "Yum yum. Just like what the astronauts eat!"

Then Ichigo said to Rukia as he is now wearing a glass bowl over his head, "TSSSKKK! This is Kurosaki to Kuchiki. Kurosaki to Kuchiki, can you read me, over!"

Rukia is also now wearing a glass bowl over her head as she said to Ichigo, "TSSSKKK! Kuchiki to Kurosaki! I read you, over!"

"TSSSKKK! Kurosaki to Kuchiki, I want one, over!"

"TSSSKKK! Kuchiki to Kurosaki, me too, over!"

"TSSSKKK!"

"TSSSKKK!"

"TSSSKKK!"

"TSSSKKK!"

"TSSSKKK!"

"TSSSKKK!" Of course, this is making Byakuya looked REALLY annoyed.

"TSSSKKK!"

"TSSSKKK!"

"TSSSKKK!"

"TSSSKKK!"

"TSSSKKK!"

"TSSSKKK! Kuchiki to Kurosaki, help yourself, over!" Rukia said as she holds out her bag of marshmallows to Ichigo. Ichio then took a marshmallow from the bag.

"ALRIGHT!" Ichigo exclaimed as he puts the marshmallow in his mouth, of course, breaking the glass bowl in the process. "Kurosaki to Kuchiki! The deliciousness has landed!"

"Well, you two astronauts can eat marshmallows." Byakuya said. He then holds up a can. "I'm gonna eat a can of Swedish Barnacle Balls." He then stands up and about to walk back to his house. "As soon as I get my can opener."

Then he stopped in his tracks as Rukia said, "But Byakuya, didn't you take a can opener with you before you walked out from your house?"

"Why even bother? We're just twenty feet away from my house!" Byakuya scoffed.

"But this is the wilderness." Rukia said sadly. Then she frowns. "It just doesn't seem to fit the camping spirit."

"You better listen to your sister, Byakuya." Ichigo said.

"Alright, fine!" Byakuya snapped as he sits back down. He then snatches the bag of marshmallows from Rukia as he said, "Give me that!" Byakuya then took a marshmallow and pierce it on a stick and holds the stick over the campfire.

Ichigo also took a marshmallow and pierce it on a stick and holds it over the campfire. However, suddenly, his marshmallow got on fire, making Ichigo screamed, "HOT! HOT!" He then blows the fired marshmallow away…and the marshmallow splashed on Byakuya's face, much to the shinigami captain's annoyance. Byakuiya then wipes his face and continues roasting his marshmallow.

Ichigo took out another marshmallow, pierce it with his stick and holds it over the campfire again. Again, his marshmallow got on fire, making him screamed again, "HOT! HOT!" He blows his fired marshmallow and the marshmallow once again splashed on Byakuya's face. Byakuya then annoyingly wipes his face off. Then he yelps when Ichigo screamed "HOT! HOT!"again. Ichigo blows his fired marshmallow, but this time, Byakuya managed to duck in time.

Byakuya laughed after dodging the marshmallow. But strangely, Ichigo's fired marshmallow came back and splashed on the back of Byakuya's head. Byakuya then frowns and said, "Okay, instead of spitting burned food on me, what else do you guys do for fun?"

"Well, after a LONG day of camping, it's nice to end the day by playing a nice campfire song." Rukia said as she took out her guitar. She starts playing music with her guitar and said to her brother, "I call this one, The Campfire Song Song." Then Rukia starts singing.

Rukia: _**Let's gather round the campfire and sing our campfire song.**_

_**Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song**_

As Rukia sings, Ichigo moves side to side, following the rhythm of the song. Knowing that Byakuya is not doing that with him, Ichigo puts his hand on Byakuya's head and moves him side to side with him, much to Byakuya's annoyance.

_**And if you don't think that we can sing it faster**_

_**Then you're wrong**_

_**But it will help you if you just sing along.**_

Byakuya yelps as Ichigo sang in his ear.

Ichigo: _**Bom Bom Bommmm**_

Rukia then starts singing fast

Rukia: _**C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song**_

_**C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song**_

Ichigo struggles to catch up with Rukia while Byakuya sit on the ground silently, not caring about the song at all.

_**And if you don't think that we can sing it faster**_

_**Then you're wrong**_

_**But it will help you if you just sing along.**_

_**C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G song**_

_**Ichigo!**_

Ichigo: _**SONG! C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G!**_

Rukia: _**Byakuya!**_

Of course, Byakuya remain silent.

Rukia: _**Good!**_

Now Rukia is singing her song on a stage while Ichigo is playing the drums.

_**It will help!**_

_**It will help!**_

Rukia now jumps off the stage like a rock star singer.

_**If you just sing along!**_

Rukia then smashes her guitar frantically while Ichigo came over and smashes his drums on Rukia. Rukia then pops out from the drums and screamed.

_**OH YEAH!**_

Then Rukia and Ichigo sighed happily as they came over to the campfire and Rukia said to Byakuya, "Isn't that relaxing?"

"NO!" Byakuya said. "This is relaxing." Then Byakuya took out his clarinet and starts playing it BADLY.

"OH NO!" Then Rukia took a marshmallow and aim at Byakuya with her catapult. "I'll save you Byakuya!" Then Rukia shoots her marshmallow and it went through Byakuya's clarinet, then into Byakuya's throat. Byakuya yelps, then landed on the ground. Rukia runs over to him and asked, "Byakuya?! Are you okay?" Byakuya starts chewing the marshmallow. "That's it. Chew." He then swallows the marshmallow. "There…better?"

"BETTER!? I was playing with my clarinet until you shoot that junk food into my windpipe!" Byakuya snapped.

"I'm sorry Byakuya but you shouldn't play your clarinet so badly in the wilderness. It might attract…" Rukia looks around. Then she said into Byakuya's ear. "An Ursaring."

**(Of course, for those of you who watched Pokemon, Ursasing is a type of pokemon.)**

"An Ursaring?" Byakuya said in fear "You mean like the ones that…" He then snapped, making Rukia yelped. "DON'T EXIST!"

"What do you mean?" Rukia said. Then Byakuya got up and jumps up and down.

"There's no such thing! It's just a myth!" Byakuya said.

"Oh no, Byakuya! Ursarings are real! They say so in the Karakura Town Inquirer!" Rukia said. Then she shows Byakuya the newspaper.

"I married an Ursaring." Byakuya reads the front page.

"Yeah! And Fake Science Monthly!" Ichigo said as he holds out the newspaper.

"Ursarings and other pokemon are real?!" Byakuya reads the front page. Then he said in disbelief, "That's the most stupidest thing I ever heard!"

"Well maybe it is stupid, but it's also dumb!" Ichigo said something smart and stupid at the same time.

"Ichigo's right, Byakuya. The Ursaring is no laughing matter! There was one time I knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy's cousin…" Rukia said.

"Alright! I know! Yes, I shouldn't have played my clarinet badly. Why don't you tell me all the things that I shouldn't do so I will not attract an Ursaring." Byakuya said.

"Okay, first. Don't play your clarinet badly." Rukia said.

"Uh-huh."

"Never turn on your flashlight back and forth really fast."

"Flashlights are their natural prey." Ichigo added.

"You're kidding." Byakuya said.

"Don't stomp around. They take that as challenge." Rukia said.

"Yeah." Ichigo said.

"Go on!" Baykuya said as he starts writing down everything on his notepad.

"Don't ever eat cheese!" Rukia said as ichigo puts his fingers in his mouth scared.

"Slice or cube?" Byakuya asked. Rukia and Ichigot then both whispered to each other for a well.

Rukia then said, "Cube. Slice is fine."

"Yeah yeah!"

"Never ever wear a sombrero."

"Especially in a goofy fashion!" Ichigo added.

"Or clown shoes."

"Or a hoop skirt."

"And never…"

"Ever…"

"Ever…"

"Eek!"

"SCREECH LIKE A CHIMPANZEE!" Rukia and Ichigo both screamed in panic.

"Wow! I didn't know there are so many things that attract an ursaring!" Byakuya said.

"They are horrible!" Rukia and Ichigo both said scared while shaking.

"You know, I have a strange feeling that we are all in danger." Byakuya said worried.

"We are?" Rukia and Ichigo asked worried.

"I don't know." Byakuya said scared. Then he ran back to his home and when he came back, he's now wearing a sombrero, clown shoes and a hoop skirt while holding a flash light and a plate of cheese cubes. "JUST A FEELING!" He yelled, smiling evilly.

Rukia and Ichigo both widen their eyes in shock. "No" Rukia said.

"Yes."

"No!" Then Byakuya starts screeching like a chimpanzee.

"BYAKUYA! PLEASE DON'T!" Rukia and Ichigo begged. But Byakuya ignores them and continue stomping, turning the flashlight on and off really fast and screeching like a chimpanzee.

"Rukia, what do we do?! An Ursaring will come here and get us for sure!" Ichigo panicked.

"I know! Let's draw an anti-Ursaring dirt circle!" Rukia said and she took a stick and draws a circle around them.

"Good thinking!" Ichigo exclaimed as he and Rukia sit inside the circle. Then he holds up a Fake Science Monthly newspaper and said, "All the experts say it's the only way to save yourself from an Ursaring attack." Ichigo and Rukia then hugged each other while Byakuya came over and laughed maniacally.

"Oh you guys are so gullible! See? I did everything that attracts an Ursaring and nothing happened! If Ursarings really do exist, how come one never shows up?" Byakuya asked with a smirk.

"Maybe it's because you are not wearing your sombrero in a goofy fashion." Rukia said worried.

"Oh sheesh, how silly of me! You mean like this?" Then Byakuya jerks his sombrero hat and laughs. Then the Ursaring turns his hat upside down and put it on his head.

"No! Like that!" Rukia said. Then the Ursaring roars loudly, making Byakuya widen his eyes in realization. Byakuya screams when he sees the Ursaring. The Ursaring roars again. Then Byakuya screams frantically and runs away as fast as he can. But the Ursaring was too fast for him and when he catches Byakuya, it starts mauling him. A few minutes later, the Ursaring left.

"BYAKUYA! Are you alright?" Rukia yelled in concern.

"No!" Byakuya, who is now has scratches and bruises all over his body, replied. He also has additional blood around his lips and cheeks. Even a shinigami captain like him couldn't take on an Ursaring.

"Quick! Jump into our anti-Ursaring dirt circle before it comes back!" Rukia said as she and Ichigo came over with their circle.

"Yeah! Ursarings usually attack more than once!" Ichigo said as he and Rukia put down their circle.

"Are you crazy!?" Byakuya yelled as he got up. "A dirt circle wouldn't hold that thing! I'M RUNNING FOR MY LIFE!" Then Byakuya runs away.

"NO!" Rukia and Ichigo screamed. But it was too late as the Ursaring comes back and mauls Byakuya again. A few minutes later, the Ursaring left.

"Don't run! Ursarings hate that!" Rukia cried. Byakuya groans in pain as he lies on the ground flat.

"Well…thanks for the tip." Byakuya moaned. Then he steadily stands up. "I guess I'll just stagger home then." He said as he staggers away.

"NO!" Rukia and Ichigo screamed. But once again, it was too late as the Ursaring comes back and mauls Byakuya again. A few minutes later, the Ursaring left.

"They hate staggering more than running!" Rukia yelled.

"Well, I guess I'll just…." But Byakuya could finish saying, the Ursaring comes back and mauls Byakuya again. A few minutes later, the Ursaring left.

"I should have warned you about crawling!" Rukia yelled. Then the Ursaring comes back again and mauls Byakuya again. A few minutes later, the Ursaring left.

"WHAT DID I DO DURING THAT TIME?!" Byakuya yelled in pain.

"I don't know, maybe he just doesn't like you." Rukia replied.

"Pretend to be someone else!" Ichigo added.

"Here!" Rukia yelled as she throws a stick at Byakuya. "Draw an anti-Ursaring dirt circle around you before it comes back!"

"Okay." Byakuya said. Then the Ursaring comes back and mauls Byakuya again. A few minutes later, the Ursaring left.

"That is an oval; it has to be a circle." Rukia said.

"MOVE OVER!" Byakuya cried as he jumps onto Rukia and Ichigo. The Ursaring comes back but soon it notices that Byakuya is in a dirt circle. The Ursaring roars in anger and left.

"YIPPEE!" Byakuya, Rukia and Ichigo all cheered.

"Oh thank you! You guys save my life!" Byakuya said in relief to Rukia and Ichigo.

"Yeah. I'm glad it's just an Ursaring. This dirt circle will never hold back a Venusaur!" Rukia said.

Byakuya's smile dropped and asked worried, "What attracts them?"

"The sound of an Ursaring attack." Ichigo said. Then a Venusaur comes over and roars at them.

"Haha, good thing we are wearing our Venusaur under garmets. Right, Byakuya?" Rukia said.

"Huh?" Byakuya said worried. This might take a while.

**THE END**


End file.
